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Baby,
There are so many things to say, so many actions to be carried out, so many thoughts to think. It's hard to be able to translate them all into things which I can express to you, love is very inexplicable and I wish it weren't like that.
However, what can I do about it?
All I have are my carnal capacities and a verbal arsenal. I'm just a human, you're an angel. Maybe I should explain: angels are messengers of the good and true, the pure and the caring, the wise ones. That's definitely you, my beautiful baby. You were there for me when I needed you, gave me something to cherish and treasure, you're still there for me and putting up with me and you've taught me so many things. I am still learning in this world though, so please be gentle on me. :)
I've always loved you, even in the first few days when we met. You interested me, you spoke to me in a way no-one had really spoken to me before and although I unreasonably thought you were a bit crude and benighted, you had an intellect which totally beat mine. You knew about life, about love, about the ways of the world, about cultures and worlds and fantasies. When we spoke for the first time, I loved your sweet voice and how you wanted to speak to me for ages. I hate to hear you sobbing, it brings out the maternal nutter in me. :P
When we first met, you looked like an angel with your gorgeous white dress. The last time we met, you still looked like an angel in your long browny-gold coat, your gorgeous, thick hair and your sweet cheeks (you know I have a thing for them :P).
You're my best friend. You always know what to say when I'm down, you're there to have fun with me and to laugh with me and you're the one I want to go to the pub with every night. :P You are also my girlfriend and so you're my love, my partner, my sweetheart, my baby and my Twinkie.
Wow, this is long. Gorgeous angel, I adore you so much and I know I'm not always the best in the world, but... I never want to lose you.
Millions of kisses xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
- Mood:
happy
You know that feeling when it's your first day at school and you have all these desires? All these wishes and hopes. You want to make friends. You want to learn, to be a good girl/boy. However, for most children on their first day at school it's also a scary affair.
I feel like that. Alone, so small, my wishes gently fading away, regressing into a dull reality. Friends are scarce. I can't say I'm good, I feel there's so many things for which I'll never be forgiven. I wish I never did them, I wish I had been wiser. My intentions are always good but why do I always end up messing things?
I'm never the most important person in someone's life. It's lucky that I'm not greedy and I wouldn't expect it. Avarice is bad, I always try to share. The problem is, it's never good enough, people always want to share things with other people. I'm left on my own.
I just think that after death, I'll be forgotten. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
- Mood:
sad
I'm back because I'm bored and my antisocial lifestyle could do with not being so antisocial. It's nice to rant and rave on here and get replies from virtually nobody.
Man, I need friends.
Life has changed so much and for the better. I actually have a decent job, stability and I'm going to France very soon. Another reason why I wanted to dust off my old LJ and start posting again.
Whoever replies first gets a free glass of absinthe. :) Not the poisonous, 19th-century stuff... just the tamer, modern tipple. Unless you want to be poisoned.
Peace out. x
- Location:my bedroom
- Mood: content
Anyone miss me? I didn't think so.
No-one reads my entries, anyyyyway.
Byebye :)
- Mood:
blank
I'm just... sitting here, rotting away. My 2 week holiday - the only holiday I was getting this year - has been denied. I'm stuck at Wimpy as they won't let me transfer (they need the staff, apparently). I'm going to be working in a hot kitchen all Summer with Kirsty, who I hate (my Team Leader).
I can't do anything with myself. I have no money for anything. :'(
- Mood: crushed
Need one now.
Anything has to be better than working at Wimpy...
Parents yelling at me to get a job.
In other news, I love you, Emmy. ;)
What does everyone think of the new look? Okay, so I'm not going to get a reply since no-one visits here anyway, but why shouldn't I be able to talk (or rather type) to myself? ;)
- Location:bedroom
- Mood:
annoyed
At last! It's arrived. I'm talking about my Within Temptation t-shirt. Wanna see?
Hehe, I'm such a poser, right? ;)
Want to see another pic?
Rrrahr! LOL!
On another note: aww, I wish I went with Emmy to see Swan Lake. All I've been able to do is look at pictures and videos on the net, it looks bloody amazing. I love the end where Odette and Sigfried drown... it's awesome (not that I'm morbid). The international dancing in Act III also looks great, although the video of the Spanish dance I saw was a bit crappy. The one Emmy saw, as in actually went to see (unlike me) was probably better. What is Hungarian dancing? It looks fun, but... I'd have to admit, I've never seen or heard anything like it. ;)
Little guilty secret: when I was young, I LOVED The Swan Princess and so have always had an obsession with the Swan Lake story.
- Location:Bedroom
- Mood:
bouncy
It's 20 to 6 and I've been up since 5.
Doing ICT revision until breakfast (about 7 or 8ish?), then French revision until lunchtime.
I'm not gonna be screwed. Really trying my best.
On top of this, still getting over the worst cold of the century. I still have no sense of smell, everything's blocked up.
Ahh. That is all.
- Location:bedroom
- Mood: tired
I'm sorry for that post. I didn't mean to treat you like that and I understand how hard you try. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm ashamed that I treated an angel - and that is what you are - like that. Who am I to be so high and mighty? For goodness' sake, you do more than enough for me. You. Are. Amazing. I couldn't ask for anyone better.
Please forgive me.
Cookie xx
I don't know why I type in here. It's not like anyone reads it anyway, not even Emmy.
I'm so confused about everything and I just want a big hug. Why can't she fall back in love with me again like she used to? I think she does love me - in fact I know she does - but it's more like a 'taking a step back' kind of love, you know? It's little gestures she does or doesn't do and they hurt. I guess I'm too sensitive. I thought she would have wanted a pic of us, even if it was only a crappy photobooth one. We don't have many pics of us (in fact, I'm the only one who has - and uses - the one pic we do have) but I guess she just wasn't that bothered.
I thought she would have wanted to marry me again. I've tried so hard to be the best ever for her. I'm so crazy about her and I just want to know how crazy she is about me.
I love her and I know she loves me too. We had a great day yesterday and she was so great and amazing. I just... I just wish she were crazy about me like she was that year ago. I don't mean the: OMG let's get married and name our kids (even though that was fun, heh), but... hmm, it's hard to explain.
I love her and think she is amazing and I really do appreciate her so much.
She promised me she'd talk to me if there was even a teensy problem. I can't believe she's been hiding everything from me. It makes me feel so worthless. What's the point of me being there if I can't actually be there for her?
I'm crushed. For a moment, I believed she was happy and I was making her happy. The worst thing is, she divulged everything to nothing more than a piece of HTML code. Aren't I more than that to her? Can't she trust me anymore?
...
:(
- Mood: crushed
Arrgh, I'm so gonna get back into shape after this. I need to tone myself up again. I miss doing my exercises. I think my ass is just two big balls of flab and that needs to change, haha!
Another thing on my mind: why does ours seem to be the only shower you have to wait like 5 minutes for to get hot water from it? It's worse than our bath, seriously.
Ah well. Peace and love to y'all, my beautiful Bohemians! Remember that love is the coolest and greatest thing you could ever have and never ever keep your emotions in. ;)
- Mood: content
- Music:One Day I'll Fly Away - After Forever
Well, it's 9.10 AM and I don't have to go into school until 11 (however I am going in at 10 to finish off pesky German essay). I am kinda bored, but meh.
Emmy is still ill. I think her tonsillitis will eventually be over with by the end of this week, though. Fingers crossed, guys! It's not a very nice thing to have at all.
I've written more articles. Please keep checking them out!
http://www.helium.com/user/show/98838
Peace and love to you all
xxxxxxx
- Mood: satisfied
However, I joined this site for a bit of fun where I get paid for the number of views my articles get each month. Please read my articles when you have the time? That includes my poems too.
http://www.helium.com/user/show/98838
In other news, I'm having a break for pesky German coursework. I can finish it after work, surely? It's not that long anyways.
Peace out, guys and girls. Love to you all xxxx
- Mood:
anxious
She was a member of my forum. A sweet, shy (and scarily verging onto chav, hehe just kidding) girl who was randomly adding us all to msn. We got talking. I found out about her 'boyfriend' Dan and although I pretended that he loved her, I could tell by their conversations that something wasn't right. They were more like friends than true soulmates. Friends who were confused. Emmy was confused about love... and Dan? Hmm, confused about his sexuality. *cheeky grin*
Anyway, after she confessed that she liked me, I got more and more annoyed by all these conversations she had with Dan. She broke up with him and although she initially asked me out before finding her next boyfriend, she realised that it was a big step to be going out with a girl. She changed her mind and took the cowardly 'boy' route out and found heaps of stupid, idiotic, pervy guys from the Internet. By the time she was with Paul (her last Internet boyfriend), I realised that it was so ironic that we should be together, but we couldn't because of the fact that she was too scared to be with me.
However, after realising that all these Internet boyfriends were worthless idiots, she told me that she was going to sod all the guys and ask me out. We met in late July for the first time and all I remember is this tall, pretty, well-built girl in a white, virginal summer dress bouncing towards me with joy, putting down her heavy bag, giving me a stone and giving me the first real kiss of my life.
It was amazing.
I love remembering that first kiss. I love remembering our first time and her jokes, her smiles, her amazing ability to make me melt. She always makes me melt. We belong together, our chemistry is supposed to work together and the elements of our souls react in the most tempestuous way possible.
I love her so much. When I'm with her, it feels like I'm with my best friend in the whole wide world. You know when some kids have these fantastic best friends to whom they divulge all their secrets and gossip, to whom they lend their most valued possessions? Times that by ten. Then add the fact that she's my lover and we have these cute kissing marathons (not to mention sex marathons) :P She has my heart as my lover and my life as my wife-to-be. It's absolutely amazing. I'm so lucky to have her.
- Mood:
thoughtful
When the grey sky looms
Promises morose and cruel
The clouds too heavy
Too tired for you and me
Take my faithful hand
Let's fly away tonight
We will find a friendly sight
Of love to always be
Tonight you shall not sleep
In mortal rain of misery
You are sheltered by love
I will watch you sleeping
And when their rains end
We shall walk in morning sun
To watch early flowers grow
And fragile hearts leaping
And my warmth will be light
To guide us under dark
Please don't be afraid
There is nothing now to fear
We have overcome their trials
Now see the friendly sun
Nourished by her warmth
You look beautiful, my dear
- Mood: quixotic
- Music:Headmaster's Ritual - The Smiths
I really want to go, I don't want to have just ruined my chance of going. I can't even remember where it is or the date. Arrgh!
- Mood: worried
We had a talk at school today, it was extremely boring. I had fun staring at the guy's extremely fluorescent tie though, hehe. It was about University life, you know, travel and the sort.
I'm just happily chatting to Emmy on msn now. Ahh, I love Fridays.
- Mood: peaceful
Today I stayed at home, couldn't be bothered to go to school. I managed to get my ICT coursework done and the *insert very nasty name here* piece of French homework.
Arrgh. Still, when I think about it, Year 13 is pretty much a breeze compared to last year. ^^
Oh, want to see a picture of me? I know I've never uploaded one or anything, but yeah, here you go:
Hehe, I actually don't mind that pic...
- Mood:
accomplished
I love Wednesdays. :D Only had 2 hours of school today... how brilliant! ^^
Meh... am feeling sooo drowsy.
- Mood: tired
